how to use twitter

I’ve been big on twitter two or three times in my life, depending on how you count. I love it. Despite the poor governance, it’s a great and very fun platform where I’ve learned so much in life.

As I’ve gotten older and more mature, I find myself regretting old posts far less than I used to. At this point, I’m basically the man I’ll forever be, and so I thought, I can go crazy on twitter without consequence.

Unfortunately, this proved wrong quickly. Within a few months in fact. When I was applying for a visa, I had to answer questions rendered by the background checker people; whom I’ll refer to by their proper title “retarded background checker people” or just “retards” for short.

These retards wanted to red-flag my application for some mundane, lukewarm tweets I made a long time ago. To reach these tweets, you would have had to read over an ocean of recent tweets. They dug so deep. And then found these lame, boring tweets, and made me answer for what I said on the internet; I had to explain myself in an interview.

The offending tweets were all blatantly ironic or sarcastic. Typical me. And excruciatingly obvious to anyone with two function brain cells (and by that I mean, anyone who doesn’t work as a background checker). The context is glaring. Yet, irony misses these retards. Especially the greater irony of how they missed some very, very questionable tweets and never asked me about them. No, ignore all the, um, “commentary” I made to Donald Trump, ignore all the gaming rage tweets, ignore wishing my enemies would get lunch cancer from a lifetime of smoking. Yeah they ignored all that stuff and focused on the lame tweets.


Anyway, part of twitter is being able to tweet on IMPULSE, thoughtlessly, casting out a microblog of a tiny bubble of thought. It’s a brilliant platform and that is what makes it special. There’s no editing nor proofreading. Just real, blunt, humanity. And I’d like to keep it that way.

But at the same time, that is what cost me.

So how do I, now, resolve this problem?

Answer: I expire my tweets after 7 days. Yep

Because I don’t want to start being careful what I say, I don’t want to feel anxiety or filter myself when I tweet. But at the same time I don’t want to leave twitter altogether. So I simply set an expiration date on my tweets — kinda like instagram does with stories. And then continue as usual.

Twitter doesn’t offer the function natively, I had to purchase an addon for 20 bucks for the service. But it’s TOTALLY worth it. omg. I don’t have to think or stress at all about anything I tweet anymore. If anything, my tweets are even more human now, because I lack the fear that comes along with permanency.

It doesn’t solve the problem of retards trying to judge my character via social media, but it does restrict the scope for only the last 7 days. So at least then, if I ever have to answer for something dumb again, it’ll still be in recent memory.

The service I use is tweetdelete and no they didn’t pay me or anything to say this, I felt like writing all this up on my own. No incentive

The only drawback is, you lose your cool stats. Like I’ve made over 10000 tweets. Mad huh; twitter is great. Also you lose the memory and there’s no real way to save it.