how to vaccinate herpes

I just had an idea come to me, since there is no cure for herpes, what can we do?

Herpes is a tricky one, because it’s viral and buries into nerve cells. Unlike nearly all other STDs, herpes spreads by skin to skin contact, making condoms useless in protecting against it. Other than being incredibly annoying, it’s not deadly or anything, so it kinda gets put on the backburner of research labs.

If it wasn’t for this ONE disease, we would be able to sleep around safely and it would really change the game of sex. Without consequence, we could have more fun. Or at least I could. The only reason I don’t sleep around so much is because i’m afraid of THIS ONE DUMB disease.

So what can we do?

There is no cure, no good prevention either (condoms are useless against it, no medicine, etc). There are antiviral creams you can place on top of an outbreak, but that means you already have it and you’re doomed, sorry.

But I just remembered something — once you get it, you won’t get it again. The little part of your skin that got infected… say your lips, groin, or thighs… will get regular outbreaks for the rest of your life, but they won’t appear anywhere else. It’s not like chicken pox. It stays right there and never leaves that spot.

The reason this happens is, because right after getting infected, your body will build up an immunity to the herpes virus, and it’ll fight it off easily if you are ever contaminated again. Meaning, if you sleep with another guy with herpes, you won’t get it on another part of your body. Actually nothing at all will change. Just stays right there in that little spot on your skin.

With this in mind, I got the idea that we could infect all babies with herpes, but do it on a spot that doesn’t matter — THE PINKY TOE. That little useless toe with the tiny nail that is annoying to clip off. Yes, that little toe that when you wear sandles or try to fit into tight shoes, you wonder why G-d gave it to you, yes… I now understand what it’s used for. We can make it the infection site of herpes on all infants. Just one toe, the little one on the right.

After 2 weeks of infection, the body will be immune to herpes, then we just amputate the toe off the baby. It’s not much different than circumcision, just getting rid of a useless bit of extra flesh for a petty sexual health benefit.

Now when we raise an entire generation of people immune to herpes AND where condoms are readily available, we can finally start having fun without fear!!

Or at least I can. I don’t care about you.